Now for a little comedy relief!

Monday, Mr Buddy Burger had an appointment with the butcher.

My friend, Kelly showed up about 8am with her horse trailer and we’ve put many a animal on that thing so far. We had a slight issue with ice though. And due to the ice covered snow, Kelly and I thought it best that she park at the street and not pull into the yard down to the pasture…….as I like to say, hind sight is 50/50! The Hired Hand always corrects me….it’s 20/20! But that’s the kind of things I always say!!! And he ALWAYS laughs at me!!!

We had to “walk” Buddy about 100 yards. Which shouldn’t of been a problem, but Buddy had developed an attitude with lots of tude!

First I held a bucket of grain in front of him and instead of him taking a little bit, he did a face plant into the bucket and went down on his knees. I mean a literal face plant!!!

“Pulling” him with a lead rope was a very unfruitful event! He was probably close to 1,000 lbs and if he didn’t want to move….well, he didn’t move.

Since The Hired Hand was at his dad’s there was no choice but for two women, one in her mid 30′s and hardly 5 feet off the ground, the other in her mid 50′s and 5’3″ off the ground trying to avoid becoming the next statistics! And B E L I E V E me…it was close!

Buddy would come in these rambunctious starts and stops….on again, off again. Then he’d throw that BIG head of his and if you happened to be in the way…well….OUCH!

So, here we are sliding on the ice as we’re trying to “pull” this steer. Or shall I say, he was pulling us! At one point Kelly dropped to the ground and Buddy drug her across the ice. She said it was that or he was getting away. We’d stop and regroup and start again. The bucket of grain at this point wasn’t helping. He either wanted to face plant that bucket or not have any at all! And while I tried holding the bucket he pulled it backwards and took my arm with it. The elbow only likes to bend one way! At the breaking point I let go and fell to the ground in pain. After a few seconds the pain subsided and we were at it again.

We got to the top of the hill and tied him to a pine tree. One woman drove by in the dark foggy, icy morning dawn and nearly sent her neck out of joint!!! I mean to tell you if you could see how these people look when they spot a cow! You’d think maybe they’d never seen one before…or at least not in the rural suburbs of Washington DC!

Kelly backed the trailer over the curb and up in the yard. Boy that book her husband gave her for Christmas really helped! How to Back Up a Trailer!!!!

But Buddy didn’t warm up to the idea. He continued to fight us tooth and nail. There was SO much ruckus going on that the dog was in the house barking and woke The Farmer’s Daughter. She was standing in the front yard yelling, “are you ok?” At this point Buddy decides to face plant my face! Then he crushed me up against the trailer….but I was NOT letting go! I grabbed the rope and tied it to whatever I could find. Then I could check myself for damage. The only damage so far was to my glasses. Smashed to my face but mendable. The Farmer’s Daughter was ready to call 911 and just let them shoot him.

It was sorta funny. Kelly and I took turns getting our courage up and taking charge of that steer.

Kelly would confidently say, “it’s ok…let me have him.” And because I was pooped and out of steam I’d willingly let her have him. She got him around to the other side of the trailer and we threw open the door breaking the tail light. At this point Buddy decides he needs a nap and goes flat out!!!! I mean straight out on the ground. He was so tired of fighting us and so scared.

Because we were so close we were able to tie the ropes inside the trailer and keep them tight. Now our problem was getting Buddy up! He didn’t want to get up so he just laid there. Kelly was saying things like, “great now he’ll die from bloat!” We prodded him enough that he finally got on his knees and stood….but this time he was in front of the trailer open door.

Kelly pulled, while I pushed. As I pushed Buddy pooped! He pooped I pushed, Kelly pulled. 2 front legs in….2 rear legs not going in! Kelly rung his tail. 2 rear legs in! After 30 minutes Buddy was in the trailer!!!! Wahoo for Kelly and me!!!

Oh my gosh!!!!

I needed some air and took a few puffs on my nebulizer. My coat was pooped on. Kelly’s coat was pooped on. Buddy gave us a run for our money.

The whole time I could hear Dad just laughing and laughing at us!!! He would of loved this story…but I think he was actually watching from his front row seat!!! And was rooting like at a ball game!!!

I got in the truck and said, “gyms are highly over rated!!!!” Kelly said, “It’s a good thing he’s aging for 3 wks cause he’s gonna need it….he’d be as tough as nails right now!”

Kelly said she was hoping he run out and get hit by a car. Then we’d just have to hoist him in a tree, gut him and let him age in the shed!!! And the whole time I’m thinking to myself….”self this is why we have United Farm Family Insurance!!!!!!!!!!”

Kelly’s 3 boys were in the truck and only 1 was watching! I was hoping that someone was taping it so we could of won America’s Funniest Home Videos!

The next day every muscle in my body hurt, I have a few bruises but nothing is broken. It was like I’d been hit by a bus! More like a steer!

Come July Buddy Burgers are going to be very juicy and delicious! I’ve learned to pull up my big girl boots this week during our time of loss. That and have a few laughs!!!

Sorry no pics of the event! My camera would of been a casualty!

They’re together again forever!

My FIL passed over into Glory last night with my beloved by his side praying.

Yesterday my sweet husband came to such a peace that only God could of given! He sounded like an entirely different person on the phone. Of course his heart is sad for our great loss, but God was SO gracious and compassionate to allow him to have a glimpse of Glory on his dad’s face! He recounted it to me again last night right before Dad went home. He said that he really came alive and reached out with both arms to embrace our Lord! How silly of me to think he just saw his sweetheart….he saw Jesus….now face to face!!!!

My beloved left last week to go see his dad because we’ve known his dad’s time is not long on this earth.

My beloved didn’t know that when he’d arrived from his 5 hr journey his sweet dad would be sitting waiting all day for him. He reached out with wide open arms to embrace his only son.

Dad has become bedridden in the last month. He’s had home hospice coming to help care for him in his last days of life. He’s just short of his 90th birthday. My beloved had no idea what condition he’d see his dad in, but quickly found out that he wasn’t coming back.

Last evening he relayed to me a story that brought me to tears.

He’s been spending the days just sitting with Dad, reading the Bible, telling stories and praying with him. He’s really had all the time he’s wanted “alone” with him. For the last 6 months Dad’s been living with The Hired Hand’s sister because of a fall he took. And since then he’s just gone down and down and down. Both of The Hired Hand’s sisters have been caring for Dad’s physical needs. But it’s my beloved who’s caring for his spiritual and emotional needs. Oh…..that would befit him. The tender, emotional and Godly man that I married.

Our phone conversations have centered around how much pain The Hired Hand is in and me saying, “I know, it’s so hard.” “I know.” “I know.” Because, I do know. He cries and I reach through the miles and hold him and allow him to have his sorrow.

I’ve tried telling my beloved for the past 17 months since his mom passed away, which he’s been mourning every single day, that if he’d just look for her all around he’d see her spirit. He’s not much for that sort of talk, but I say it anyway. Is it too touchy feely? Or out of his comfort zone? Maybe it just felt too weird because we’re never taught that we are surrounded by a great host. We’re taught that they are gone….GONE? How can they be gone?! A forgiven in Christ just passes over….they are not gone….maybe not seen, but definitely not gone!

He’s been torn about how long to stay. Since Sunday, Dad’s taken a turn and he’s not coming back. The hospice nurse said it’s just a matter of time now. It could be 1 day or it could be 2 weeks, but his body is shutting down. Yes, I remember. He’s not coming back.

So, I’ve tried to tell my beloved how beautiful it can be to watch a believer in Christ pass over. He wasn’t there with his mom when she passed, but the days leading up to it, were difficult for him and he kept himself busy with arrangements and not just “being” with her….although it was a VERY difficult time since it was our first loss. When she was finally transported to a hospice hospital and none of us knew what to expect, we just gathered by her side. Even then I kept telling Dad to keep talking to her, that we didn’t know if she could hear us or not. And to his pleasure she would show little responses like grunts. It fueled Dad to return the following 9 days until she passed into Glory. My beloved is mostly in pain now. It’s the waiting. For my dad we knew the wait wouldn’t be long….2-3 days and he’d be gone.  My beloved’s dad is now on morphine and is almost completely catatonic. But when the morphine wears off he can still open his eyes and slightly respond. A blessing in disguise!

It was yesterday morning that The Hired Hand told me about last evening that brought me to tears.

Dad sat up yesterday morning, opened his eyes, looked up toward the ceiling and pointed. Then he opened wide his arms and smiled.

That’s how he welcomed The Hired Hand on Thursday afternoon and he thought he was gesturing toward him again, but quickly realized he wasn’t.

Dad was seeing over into Glory! I’m certain he was seeing his sweetheart and trying to embrace her…but his time has not yet come. My beloved knew in that instant that that too was what Dad was seeing!!!!! I’m so grateful that God allowed him to see that….because although the pain is great to put it mildly, he will always have that comfort and joy of knowing his dad is not gone…just not visible!

My dad saw over into Glory also as he was passing from us. It was the most beautiful experience of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Does it hurt? Danggonit it sure does!

But if we look we will see little glimpses of heaven as we watch our loved ones in Christ pass from life to life!

Or we can shield ourselves and walk away from them. Death is a messy thing. Messy for sure. It messes with our emotions something fierce. It heaves our insides as if we too will die. The waling cries that can’t go deep enough. The sadness that can lingers for days, weeks, years.

I’m grateful that The Hired Hand finally got away from his job to spend these last days with a man that was by any standard an imperfect dad. In the last days of life though we can quickly forget the imperfection of the life lived and remember the endearing days.  We really can get a glimpse of heaven if we allow our hearts to become vulnerable and allow God to heal them even in a short day’s time. None of us is perfect….just forgiven!

So look up! We are surrounded by a great host of witnesses!!!! Praise be to God!

I was thinking about my dad the other day. It will be 1 yr on March 15th that Dad went home for eternity. This has been the fastest year of my life. It’s been filled with much heartache also. And maybe that’s why God allowed it to go by so fast, so He could spare us more pain. I don’t know. I try not to really think I know what God is thinking! His ways are far above mine!

As I was thinking of Dad, the date hit me. March 15th. We’ve got babies due March 15th! Do you remember that on June 22, 2010 we had babies born?  That’s ok…I really don’t expect you to remember dates like I do.

June 22 was Dad’s birthday! Danny Boy and Valentino were born and Dad got such a kick out of it. He always got such a kick out of me and these critters! Laughing his big gregarious laugh as I’d hang up from phone calls! Now when I hang up with Mom, I wait a few seconds and do my best to remember how he’d be laughing at all my stories and talking to mom before he hung up the phone!

So anyway……Grannie Ginger is due to kid on Dad’s re-brith day! His home going day! It would tickle his socks off if I named a baby kid, Angel!!!! LOL!!! Dad was anything but an Angel!!!! He was forgiven, not perfect!

For most of you it doesn’t mean anything, but for me it means a lot. I don’t believe that when loved ones die they are gone from us forever. I believe they may not be visible, but they are not gone. Their spirits are all around us. Our loving heavenly Father doesn’t just leave us and forsake us. He sent his Spirit to be our comforter and guide. And just like His Spirit is all around us, I believe the spirits of our loved ones who are in HIS presence are all around us too. If we choose to look for them, we will see them.

This past summer when my sis from Cali was visiting, just 4 months after Dad’s passing and her first time back “home” after Dad’s passing, we were here eating hamburgers on the deck. Her 2 grown girls were here will her grandson and Mom. Dad always enjoyed eating my food! And Grannie Jackie does too!!!

Right after we sat down to eat, a beautiful blue butterfly fluttered over us in no hurry to leave. Out of my soul I said, “oh look Dad came to see us!” I was given a few glares of concern and I let it go. But I tucked it deep into my heart not wanting to believe that when they are not visible here, they are gone from us.

Now, just so some of you rigid evangelicals don’t think I’m talking reincarnation and New Age dogma….I’M NOT!!! I no more believe that Dad WAS that butterfly than I believe I’m the Queen of England! I just believe that God can if He chooses to, use nature to reveal himself as a loving God, full of compassion and mercy. That’s the God I serve. 

Wouldn’t you know ALL summer when I was in the garden that blue butterfly would flutter around and visit me. I got into the habit of talking to that butterfly…..it’s ok folks, that’s pretty “normal” for me, my Gma use to talk to the birds and I suppose it rubbed off on me. I’d just start talking to my Dad and telling him how much I missed and loved him. Then I’d hear him speak and tell me to go on and continue to do and love the things I do and love. That he didn’t want me to mourn forever, but to rejoice! And so I would with tears flowing down my face, I’d turn my ashes into beauty.

It was after Thanksgiving when Mom came home from a long visit to Cali and my niece helped her home, that we were sitting and eating hamburgers (because like I said, that’s what we do when we’re together…eat hamburgers!!!)  at Mom’s and Shelly said how much she missed PopPop’s presence and how he just filled a room laughing and carrying on. Then she told me that she remembered that blue butterfly and what I said that day in July and how when she and her sister and mom were out spreading some of Dad’s ashes in the ocean a butterfly came and hovered over them. That gave me chills. She also chose to believe that although Dad is not visible, he is not gone.

I’ve had others tell me about butterflies and how they have brought comfort after the death of a loved one. I’m not sure if God just uses butterflies or if he uses potatoes too.

You see, Dad gave me my love for gardening. He was always watching the calendar and would remind me when it was time to plant potatoes. He always used St Patrick’s Day as his marker.

Funny, isn’t it? St Patrick’s Day is March 17th….Dad’s re-birth day into eternity is March 15th!

From now on until I can’t bend my back anymore to garden, I’ll be reminded of Dad at the first sign of digging my hands deep into the earth and rejoicing that we are surrounded by a host!

Faith is like potatoes. You can’t see potatoes growing under the earth, you just have to choose to believe they are there!